Selasa, 30 April 2013

Not in the mood

Twice in one day what is going on with me, well I'm having one of those days and if you read my blog you also know this is my release, release from the anxiety meso brings.   Firstly I forgot that chemo changes our bodies, ok you say your chemo was Nov last year so what's the problem,
I burnt when normally my skin wouldn't even notice, it's the first time it has seen sunshine and those precious damaged chemo cells have never had sun on them before.  People and here I mean those around us, think they know how we feel, think because we are inactive, don't have anything wrong, they don't seem to accept that our body is working twice as hard to keep us in inactive, that we are trying our hardest to be normal, but tonight I think I have fallen off that emotional washing line, maybe I haven't changed the sheets for a long time and the line has got tight, tonight it sagged and hit rock bottom.  If I hear bless you one more time I swear I could commit murder!

But I'm on holiday so I should be happy, but holidays can be tiring, especially a cruise plus it's a place of food, walk, food, talk, shower (again) food, drink bed, shower, breakfast and on and on, I feel like a spoilt brat and probably am acting like one but I feel like I don't live my life for me, maybe tomorrow I will feel different but here now at present I feel like I am an imposter, the smile is false, the person inside just wants to shout stop the world I want to get off!


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