Kamis, 09 Mei 2013

The British Sun Pipped Out

Home is where the heart is, in our case as well our beautiful dogs, but the sun has gone away again.  The beautiful heat and sun on holiday made my back feel much better, I didn't seem to wake up with as many pains in the ribs, only my leg!  We came home to sunshine and I thought yeah I can enjoy the feeling, but alas the sun is out till 10 then rain up here in the North of England.
We have guests who are ex pats from Australia and currently live in Asia, they have come to see us after meeting us last September and are having a relax.  There we were planning trips here and there and they just want to relax and play with the dogs. 
Today my book is being delivered here from the printers, I can't wait.  I have received an unbounded copy just to set my mind at rest the printing on the pages didn't miss out my first sentences.  I am pleased they are arriving and hope that I can meet up with Chris Knighton to give her quite a few to sell at her forthcoming events. 
I was going to cancel my physio with having guests but as we aren't doing much running around I may as well keep hold of the appointment and see if they can do anything else. 
I went for my scan on Tuesday, I was so pleased Jean was again the nurse in charge of the needle.  I had my elma cream on and off she went.  She told me the vein in my left arm is starting to move and become hard, probably due to the last chemo and the amount of times it has been used over the years.  I thought she was going to have to start probing to get the tip in but she told me after she had got it.  I didn't think veins could move the moment the needle went through the skin, you learn something everyday.  She is a wonderful lady who is now reducing her hours, I just hope that she is on when I need my next scan, I never have a problem with needles in this department, but there again she has administered about 95% of them over the years.  She lost her husband a couple of years ago, just as they were planning retirements, why does life do that?
It's 8 years since my Dad died today, I still remember the call at 7.30, I hadn't been that long since my last chemo treatment and I remember I hadn't really got dressed, just pulled on some joggers as my brother came to get me.  I think I was in shock, I had seen him only the day before but something told me then that I may not see him again, one of those 6th sense feelings.  I wanted to go back and see him but hubby told me I was being emotional due to the chemo, how wrong he was and how right I was.  I think he had given up, he died of a massive stroke, he was far to young at 74.  I am sure he felt guilty for my illness and that brought about his own demise.  Guilt eats us up and I wish I could lose this negative feeling.
It seems quite a few warriors are going through a hard time at the moment, Tess, Mavis and Debbie are on or starting another round of chemo, I am pleased to say Ray and Steve are at the moment doing well, I hope that I too will get a good result even though I fear I have a little growth, as long as it remains slow growing then it isn't too much of a worry as yet.  I have received some good news from a friend in the states, she has been receiving a new treatment at Sloan Kettering and is still stable, hopefully this drug will come into its own and maybe be the one that turns meso from a terminal to a chronicle disease.  My other friend's husband is having a lot of fluid around the lung.  Back in 04 after my surgery I had fluid, but they couldn't drain it as the fluid had gathered in pockets, now from this friend, I understand those pockets are fissures created by the meso.  It is frightening when you can't get fluid out, quite a few people I know tap fluid on a daily basis.  This to me is a brave thing, how they can have an alien tap fitted to them scares me.  My body can't stand cannula's inside my veins so imagine having a tap constantly attached.
On such a note I guess I will close for today but post a picture to remind me of the lovely weather we left behind together with the new friends we met on the cruise.
Don't I look healthy, I did look funny in the bikini where I had remembered to cover some of the radiation patches and not others and also burnt.  My skin has changed again due to the recent chemo, so if you are out sunbathing remember to use factor 50 on scars and radiation patches, 30 and 20 on the rest of you.  Don't miss any parts of the skin otherwise you will end up multi-coloured!
Maybe I am getting a little to old to wear such clothes!

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