I feel like my stomach is extending 2cm a day, my ribs are hurting more and more as the fluid is pushing behind them, my stomach is uncomfortable, if I put my arms by my side I feel they are being pushed outward as fluid is gathering everywhere.
I am afraid, maybe this is the end and I am taken, instead of drowning in asbestos fibres, I drowned in fluid as it crushes my lung from the outside as well as the inside.
As I awoke this morning I could feel this weight crushing down on me, my ribs are pained, my back is aching too. Yes I went to see the back man last night and he hurt a lot when he did certain parts of my back. On top of my meso driving me mad and my 'what's become normal' back I will have additional pain where he has manipulated my spine.
Yesterday I had a lovely surprise, the meso warriors around the world send me some sun flowers.
I was certainly surprised as I have had quite a few bouquets sent over the years, so thank you everyone, especially the secret flower club who make this possible. They certainly did do their job and made me smile, but they also told me that they are there for me, the support of cyber friends to get you through the difficult times.
My GP called in to talk about my condition. He has been my advocate over the last 5 or 6 years, sending me to specialists to see if they can do anything, from John Edwards to Paul Taylor in Manchester and Prof Fennell in Leicester. We tried to work out a plan of action but until I see Dr P on Monday to find out what is on offer then we can't put much in place. The water tablets were finally started yesterday afternoon and hopefully by tomorrow instead of me increasing in size I will be starting to decrease.
The day we left for our hols I also received another surprise in the post, because I have been so ill I haven't mentioned it. Although maybe I have, chemo brain does affect me that way! Some time last year I befriended a writer in the USA, Nancy, she does lots of research writing about mesothelioma and to help me understand where she lives she packed up a box of magazines about Carolina together with a Durham Bulls baseball shirt and a drinking glass. What a lovely thing to do for someone you don't know. Nancy has a special place in my heart and if you want to find out facts about mesothelioma then I would suggest reading her postings here.
Once I pull myself together this morning I will be taking additional morphine to get on top of the pain that is driving me to despair. I certainly know one thing, I don't understand how my hubby can carry around his belly, the additional weight crushing your insides when you sleep etc. It surely must cause damage to internal organs. He promised on holiday that he was going to do something about his, I truly hope he does and doesn't cop out now that we know my tummy isn't me getting fat it is all fluid!
I need to exercise today, at least on holiday I was walking everyday at least 5 miles, I doubt walking will get the fluid out but it may keep the legs from filling up and also ease the back a little.
Bear is still struggling with the heat, yesterday we bought more sprinklers and placed them on the lawn for Bear to go in and out of but he didn't bother. Hubby held the hose over him and he backed away, which isn't him. Maybe the thought of being damp and humid doesn't work well on his coat, after all Dogs seem to know what is best for themselves.
On that note I am going to try and fit into the shower cubicle! Yes seriously my tummy is getting that big.