Rabu, 28 Agustus 2013

9 yrs later - Still fighting On

The 26th August is a date of great importance.  Firstly, it was my mothers birthday and now it's the Anniversary of the day I was told I had Mesothelioma.  I guess my surgery day is the day I should use but what does 21 days difference mean, because in reality if they had done something earlier I could have been diagnosed in 2001 instead of 2004.

To be honest, looking back, those first few years were easier, ok I had chemo regimes to contend with but I was happier and much fitter than I am today.

I am pleased to still be here and breathe the air, see the sun rise and fall, hold my husband and know he loves me and most days have a reasonable quality of life, sometimes reasonable is great and I then feel guilty for moaning that my pains get me down.

As I sit here on deck aboard Seabourn's Quest I have watched old couples pass me by, they seem spritely and fit, young people with fit bodies tanning themselves and of course a couple of crocks like myself.  I often wonder how others cope when their physical health is wavering and causing discomfort.

The flight over was fast but I did feel a little tightening in my left arm, like the BP cuff hasn't turned off but it came and went.  During the night I woke to my chest feeling heavy, instinctively my hands ran over the bump I still have in front of my stomach.  The top seems a little puffier, the skin above my ribs a little spongy.  I have taken a stronger dose of water tablet, as recommended by my gp, just in case.  I remember my stomach on the last cruise got bigger and bigger on a daily basis.

I caught a side way glance of me in the mirror and boy do I look odd, I am trying not to worry as others are in a worse predicament than I.  I also think vanity is now creeping in.  I've always had a flat abdomen so to have quite a tummy is odd.

After a late breakfast this morning we got off the boat and walked along the front of Le Lavandou, France.  We did enjoy the walk then back to the boat for lunch.  We have sunbathed on our deck, I didn't want to show my belly to the world.  Hubby keeps telling me other ladies have worse but men  don't understand it isn't what some one else looks like, it's what we look and feel like.

Tonight is the gala dinner, we are sitting at the Captains table, I do hope we are sat with some chatty people.  I will also walk in holding something over my tummy!  I wish they had done my draining right the first time then maybe my whole tummy would be back to normal, or I could then have gone back and had the rest drained with time to recover.

Tomorrow another port and another sunny day, at least I hope so.  When we came into land yesterday we came through quite a big storm but it blew over in an hour, the sky was blue and temperature hot.

Guess that's my update for today, please put a pray in for me that my fluid stays under control.  On a good note my dreaded bile seems to have calmed down - at least that's one good thing going for me right now.

To everyone with mesothelioma I hope you have had a good day.

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